Navigating the Holidays: A Therapist’s take on People-Pleasing
Navigating the Holidays: A Therapist’s Take on People-Pleasing
The holiday season is often depicted as a magical time filled with joy, love, and togetherness. But for many of us, it can bring a cascade of stress, anxiety, and an overwhelming urge to please others. As a licensed mental health therapist, I want to break down the concept of people-pleasing, especially during the holidays, and how you can reclaim your peace without compromising your well-being.
What is People-Pleasing?
People-pleasing is that pesky habit of prioritizing others’ happiness above your own, and it can manifest in various ways — from overcommitting to activities, to feeling guilty for not attending every family gathering. If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone! This tendency can be rooted in a desire for acceptance, fear of conflict, or past experiences where your worth felt contingent on how much you gave to others.
Why the Holidays Amplify People-Pleasing Tendencies
During the holidays, our emotions and social obligations can easily amplify feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. The pressure to meet family expectations, host the perfect gathering, or buy thoughtful gifts can turn what should be joyful experiences into treacherous waters for our mental health.
Family Dynamics: Holiday gatherings often bring out the best and worst in family relationships. If you’ve got family members who have high expectations or a history of conflict, you may find yourself bending over backward to keep the peace.
Social Media Comparisons: Let’s face it, scrolling through Instagram as everyone else seems to be living their “perfect holiday” can make you feel inadequate. It’s easy to slip into a mindset where you feel the need to match or exceed others’ experiences.
Fear of Rejection: The holiday season can surface old insecurities about belonging. Striving for approval from friends and family can lead to anxiety, especially if it feels like your value is tied to how much you’re willing to do for others.
Signs You’re a People-Pleaser
You feel guilty saying “no” to invitations or requests.
You constantly seek validation from others.
You prioritize others’ needs over your own, even when it’s detrimental to your well-being.
You find yourself resenting those you’re trying to please.
Breaking Free from the People-Pleasing Cycle
1. Set Boundaries: Start small. Practice asserting your needs — even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Saying “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an elaborate excuse for choosing your own mental health.
2. Focus on Your Values: Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you during the holidays. What traditions bring you joy? What gatherings do you genuinely want to attend? Centering your plans around your values can help ground you amid the chaos.
3. Engage in Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, like meditation or simply taking a few deep breaths, can help you reconnect with your body and emotions. This practice fosters a moment of pause, allowing you to reflect before reacting.
4. Challenge Negative Thoughts: If you catch yourself spiraling into self-doubt about your worth, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself: “What evidence do I have that my worth depends on others’ opinions?” Likely, you’ll find that it doesn’t!
5. Seek Professional Support: If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need someone to help navigate these feelings, don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed mental health therapist. Working with a professional can provide you with tailored coping strategies and a safe space to express your emotions.
Embrace the Holidays on Your Terms
The holiday season can be a beautiful time of connection — but remember that you deserve to enjoy it too. By learning to manage people-pleasing tendencies and prioritizing your mental health, you can find a balance that allows you to celebrate the season on your terms.
I’m dedicated to helping individuals like you break free from the chains of anxiety, find your voice, and cultivate a more authentic, fulfilling holiday experience. If you resonate with any of this, I would love to work with you! Let’s make this holiday season one where you can genuinely enjoy the moments that matter.
